Choosing the flavor of feelings

“I don’t want to feel sad.”

You’re not choosing to feel sad or not to feel sad.

You’re choosing the sadness of ending a relationship that you wanted to work out over the sadness of staying in a relationship that continuously doesn’t meet your needs.

You’re choosing the flavor of sadness that supports your growth and what you desire from a partnership.

“I don’t want to feel awkward.”

You’re not choosing to feel awkward or not to feel awkward.

You’re choosing the awkwardness of self-containing and not oversharing over the awkwardness of continuing to disclose more information than you’d like.

You’re choosing the flavor of awkwardness that upholds your boundaries and contributes to the health of your connections.

“I don’t want to feel uncomfortable.”

You’re not choosing to feel uncomfortable or not to feel uncomfortable.

You’re choosing the discomfort of finding a new apartment over the continuous discomfort of living in a space that doesn’t support how you want to live.

You’re choosing the flavor of discomfort that moves you closer to the lifestyle you envision for yourself.

The growth we desire rarely comes through emotions we want to feel. Most of the time it comes through the emotions we don’t want to feel.

Your work is discerning the flavor of an unwanted emotion that you’re willing to feel on purpose. Because you know doing so paves the path to where you want to go and who you want to be.

Then it’s bringing inner safety and support to persevere on the path while feeling the unwanted emotion.

That's how you complete the growth cycle and reap the rewards of growth.

“I don’t want to feel sad.”

I’m willing to feel sad in ending our relationship so I don’t feel sad five years down the line wishing I had given myself the opportunity to find a partner who wants the same things as I do.

My willingness to feel sad now brings me closer to what I ultimately want in a long-term partnership.

“I don’t want to feel awkward.”

I’m willing to feel awkward in the silence between talking so I don’t feel awkward an hour into the conversation wishing I had not disclosed more information than I would’ve liked about a sensitive topic to me.

My willingness to feel awkward now brings me closer to who I ultimately want to be in my connections.

“I don’t want to feel uncomfortable.”

I’m willing to feel uncomfortable in starting the process to find a new place so I don’t feel uncomfortable indefinitely living in this apartment wishing I had a bigger kitchen in which to cook and host dinner parties.

My willingness to feel uncomfortable now brings me closer to the lifestyle I want to lead and invite others into.

If you want guidance on bringing self-support and inner safety to the feelings you don’t want to feel in the journey to creating what you want to create and being who you want to be, reach out. I’m here for you.

Let’s wrap your unwanted feelings* in a warm and loving cocoon and transform them into something that works for you and the growth you desire.

*I use the term ‘unwanted’ feelings, not ‘negative’ feelings because feelings are inherently neutral. They are neither good nor bad. We’re the ones who label feelings as positive or negative.